I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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