Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
