We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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