So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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