Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Enjoy the penises
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
