sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
