So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
