I wish I could punch you in the face.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
