Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
