Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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