i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
