he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I have feelings that need drinking.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
