I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I can't put those talents on a resume
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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