I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
