He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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