I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
