I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I want her autograph on my taint
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
