im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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