you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
