shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
