Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My ass is underappreciated
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
