i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
