If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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