Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
