Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
