He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
how can u be prego again
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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