Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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