you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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