remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
