I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
