So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
