we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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