stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
