Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
