i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
