theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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