Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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