My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
