Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
