from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
