i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
