i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
