what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
