I must be too annoying 4 u.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
