Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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