the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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