well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
