Need sex. Gaining weight.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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