can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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