Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
